I’m actually sleepy. I’m tired. And I’m over thinking. I’m going to scroll on social for a few minutes, which turned into hours.
I’m going to write and calm my mind. Watch a movie or show and go to sleep soon. Nope I actually decided to watch some shows to drown my own thoughts and emotions. You know the usual thing a person does to escape the real world. I’m surprised I’m not face deep in a book right now.
Doing some late night drawing might do the trick. Help me feel like I’m doing something productive. I’m feeling better but not really you know. It’s like am I going crazy? I had to give myself a talk AGAIN.
I had to remind myself who the fuck I am or who I thought I was.
Like is this normal? Constant Self motivation? One minute you feel on top of the world and next it’s like I can’t do this. It’s not possible for me to reach these goals. What happens when I do? Do I really even want to reach these goals. I mean I’ve been trying for 2 years now.
What happens when you become the main source of the pain? When you can’t pull yourself from the depths of hells reach? Man depression is a bitch.
Late nights turn into late mornings and yet you still accomplish nothing. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better. Tomorrow I promise I’m going to start back.
You were doing so good and then BAM!! You relapsed.
I guess I’ll let myself go a few months again and try all over to get my life together.
I’m so comfortable here, this feels like home. This feels like the pain and hurt I’m used too. I can live like this but I can’t live like consistency. I mean it scares the shit out of me. What if I do become great and complete all of my goals. What’s next? Shit I don’t know and I don’t hope to find out.
– Note to self