It was a nice sunny day, I had my knee patches on and my thigh chafe cream. I did this whole prep talk in my head and I just thought everything would go great. But deep down I didn’t believe in myself I just knew I would struggle(WRONG MOVE). As soon as the run began I started to think to myself. What in the world did I sign up for? Like why did I agree too run three miles when I died after doing 2 miles.
So morale of the story, almost the entire time I was talking down to myself.
- You can’t do this!
- Who do you think you are?
- Your built too big!
- Your boobs are holding you back!
- My knee is really hurting me!
- Man I can’t breathe in this heat!
- I hate running on concrete it’s hurting my knees more!
- I’ll be fit but without running so far
- I know fit people who don’t run I don’t need this!
- You need to stop posting these fit videos when you can barely run 3 miles!
- You can’t be a fitness leader, your such an embarrassment!
I mean I kept going on and on telling myself these things and making all kinds of excuses on why I can’t do this. Not once did I give myself credit for trying, not once did I say hey you made it this far great job! About a mile and a half in we stopped at this fountain and I just sat down and cried, I even called my hubby. I wasn’t crying because I couldn’t run, I was crying because I could run and I was just being so hard and negative on myself. I just didn’t understand why I was sabotaging myself. I want to get better, I want to run farther distances and improve but yet I talking bad about myself, like sis are you serious?
I know my knee was hurting because my tape came off from putting it on wrong but it wasn’t enough to have me quit. I started back running when my good friend started to give me motivational words on how people can’t walk and how there’s older people doing longer runs than this. This really motivated me to keep running until she stopped talking and then I just went to talking to myself bad.
I noticed every time I said something negative I would start breathing supper heavy and just start hyperventilating and stop. But every time she said kind and motivating things I didn’t stop I pushed a little further. When we made it back I did allot of reflecting and I even cried some more because I felt embarrassed and just ashamed of myself. It motivated me to get back on the side walk and try this again tomorrow, idk about 3 but 2 sounds good.
After this mini melt down, I am motivated and confident in myself because I just broke that glass ceiling. I found what works for me and what doesn’t. I can honestly say that I’m so ready to give myself this full speech on my next run.
- girl look at you, actually doing something
- I see you not a fraud after all
- okay honey you better not stop
- Image how many peoples life you can change
- Don’t you understand you are a queen honey
- You are strong and not a quitter
- If you quit you just better cry on Ig live because you acting. up
- They better be victory tears
- It’s time to stop living comfortbale
I was told the only way to get better at running is to keep running and this is what I will be doing.